Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Selective Memory

My kids have amazing memories....both in what they can remember and what they chose not to remember.
They can remember the names and powers of all kinds of pokemon.  They can recite scenes from Spongebob and their favorite movies.  They learned their math facts.  They know exactly when their half birthdays are and the birthdays and half birthdays of their closest friends.  But there are some things I think they should remember that they can't or won't make stick.

Here are the top 10 things I think my kids should be able to remember:

10. Use a napkin.  My kids are active boys.  That makes them messy eaters by default.  Despite hearing me say it millions of times over thousands of meals since they were old enough to be feeding themselves they instead choose to use their shirt, pants, my shirt.....or my favorite.....while eating in the living room the other day, my youngest just put his face down on the blanket we were covering the coffee table with and wiped it there....no hands needed!

9.  Walk in the house.  We have had more crashes, collisions, bruises, and bloody parts than I can count and yet my kids don't get this.  They still move at two speeds....fast and faster.  My oldest actually ran, tripped over his own feet, fell face first on the kitchen tile and within five minutes was running again.  Maybe the fall caused a memory loss or damage to the common sense area....but I doubt it.

8.  Don't wake everyone else up just because you're up.  My kids have no shortage of things they can choose to do quietly.  Read a book.  Assemble a puzzle.  Play the DS.  Play with their Webkinz.  Look through their Pokemon cards.....and so forth.  For some reason, their first thought upon waking at the crack of dawn is to go make sure the other brother is up then pile onto the couch or one bed and argue about something.  Lets not forget to run through the house a couple of times sounding like a herd of hippos.  Then act surprised when Mom comes out all bleary eyed and crabby and reminds them that they don't have school (and even if they did they wouldn't have to be up for another hour)

7.  Empty your pockets.  I know you enjoy collecting bugs, dirt, mud, rocks, random "treasure" etc off the grass and street but I do not enjoy washing it.  Nor do I enjoy playing "wonder what I might touch" by checking your pockets.

6.  Hands are not for hitting.  "He looked at me with a weird face" "I don't like the song he's singing" and "He is older than me" are not valid reasons for hitting.  Neither is using it as a way to finish an argument.  Nor is it "just playing".  Knock it off.

5.  Leave your brother alone.

4.  Leave your brother alone.  Oh and ....Leave. Your. Brother. A. LONE.

3.  Put things were they belong when you are done with them.  If I had a nickel for every time I was asked "Mom, do you know where my _________ is?"  I could afford a nanny, cook, and the coveted cleaning lady.  I of course answer with "the key word there is MY".  I organized all the bedrooms and toy room when we moved in January.  Everything has a place.  Pretty sure the place for your DS isn't on the floor under the sink in the half bathroom.  If I had a guess the pens would be in the pen cup, the shoes would be in the shoe holder, and the drawing paper would be in the plastic drawer labeled "paper".  But what do I know.....

2. Wash your hands!!!  Seriously, what is so hard to remember about EVERY TIME you go potty or are going to eat you WASH YOUR HANDS.  With SOAP!  My kids have even done the petri dish experiment where they grew the germs on their hands, on the toilet handle...etc.  Yet it comes as a huge shock after they poop and come running out of the bathroom that I say, "wash your hands".  What?  OMG!  Is that a NEW rule?  But I have a full schedule of picking on my brother, filling my pockets with worms, and losing every toy I own......that minute will set me so far behind I might have to come up with new stalling techniques at bed time.

1. FLUSH!  No one wants to know what you did in the bathroom.  You used to think it was cool to flush and flush and flush before you were potty trained.  You were not born with a limited number of flush permits so please, feel free to flush. Every. Single. Time.  Just sayin'

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