Sunday, April 29, 2012

Marriage is a verb not a noun

I have heard of two separate couples recently that seem to be teetering on the edge of divorce.  For one of them it will be her second.  It has lead me to really ponder what has changed with the nation.  When I was growing up all of my friends had two parents.  Even now, the majority of my childhood friends' parents are still together.  What is so different with their vows than with the current vows?
From my perspective the world has taken a drastic shift in the last few years towards instant gratification and self centered-ness.  The news is full of people outraged about how their needs aren't being met, even if it is detrimental to the rest of the world.  The media promotes "buy it now" and "be the first to have it".  With a touch of a button we can have a movie instantly on our tv.  We can watch any show we want at any time.  24 hour stores mean we don't have to plan ahead for anything, we can just run out whenever to get what we need.
Has this effected marriage too?  I know there are times when I get caught up in what I need and lose sight of my commitment to serve my family.  Times I would rather play Slingo than have a conversation with my husband or play with my kids.  Horrible truth but a truth nonetheless.  Have people given up on putting others first or on delaying what they need or want for the good of the "big picture"?  With all the sexual material on TV are people so sure the grass is greener on the other side?
I am not suggesting that people stay in a bad marriage.  If there is abuse or chronic infidelity or incessant fighting then yes it is probably better for the parties involved to be separate.  But what if the fighting is just a bunch of petty nonsense?  What if it is just one of those rough patches and some hard work and spouse-centeredness would get you through it?  Heaven knows we have had some ugly patches.  There were some nights where I thought about it.  But as I prayed images of us dating and in the early years of our marriage came into my head.  I needed to make some changes too.  And things got better.
I don't know the whole story of my friends at this crux.  Only they know their whole history.  Only they know their hearts and their side of the story.  I just pray that they look at the other side of the story and look at themselves through their spouse's eyes before they make that final decision.  Marriage is not for the weak...I pray that they are strong.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Things that suck...part one

There are lots of things in life that are totally awesome-sauce.  There are many times I am amazed by my blessings.  Today is not one of them.

I take daily medication for depression.  Have since my twenties.  Probably needed it in my teens.  My body evidently reabsorbs the seratonin way faster than it should.  Seratonin is the stuff in our brain that makes us feel balanced and happy.

I have been through several different selective seratonin reuptake inhibitors (or SSRIs) with varied results.  The one I am on right now has probably been one of the best as far as stabilizing my moods, helping with my anxiety attacks and generally keeping me from crying about everything.  That said it also can cause a bunch of side effects like constipation, nausea, and drowsiness.  (it also may cause loss of weight...but that never seems to be the side effect I get...sigh).  For the most part I deal with the constipation through diet, I know that about four hours after I take it I will be struck with a large wave of nausea but after about ten minutes it will pass and I drink a lot of caffeine.

The sucky, less advertised side effect to this med is what happens if you miss it.  There are sometimes I will miss a day because I forget.  That generally just manifests in increased energy for the day.  There are some times when my schedule and the pharmacy's schedule make it impossible for me to pick it up for a couple days.  If I haven't planned ahead it means I get to go through withdrawal.  Today is one of those days.  I got so caught up in life I didn't take care of myself.  Now there are people coming over and I have brain shivers and I feel like the world is going on fast forward past me.  Luckily they are helping my husband with a project and I don't really have to entertain them but man I feel like shit.  Brain shivers are like the worst dizziness you have ever had plus occasionally the world just shifts.  I can't explain it well but let me tell you the first time it happened I looked it up online and was amazed to hear others discussing it.

It scares me to have to be on this med forever but I think to get off it I would have to commit to being home alone on bed rest until it passes.  And from what I've read that can take months.

Today I am dizzy, nauseous, tired and expecting company.  That is truly a thing that sucks!